kalo gw perhatiin isi blog gw ini, sangat tidak terstruktur dan lompat2 gitu. well, mencerminkan gw banget ya yang gak organize dan random. file2 berantakan (yah ga segitunya sih, i still group the file), cucian numpuk, kamar belum divacuum, plus tumpukan paper di ujung kamar. Maybe i should start to 'tidy up' a bit, shall i start with buying an organizer? :p tapi tanpa organizer gw masi inget semua appointment, dan gw gak pernah lupa gw naro barang atau file dimana. *pembenaran*
well, tapi sebenernya gw pgn 'merapikan' hidup dalam arti sebenarnya.(huaha..berat deeh..) pertama, gw pgn lebih religius aja, gw pgn bener2 beribadah karena gw pgn, bukan karena gw 'harus'. yah gitu deh, you get the idea. dan skrg gw udah 23, when i look back and remind myself that God has been so kind to me, i kinda feel ungrateful, karena gw banyaak bgt ngomel2 dan mengeluh.
kedua, gw pgn lebih bisa keep something to myself. gw orangnya bawel bgt dan suka cerita, tapi kadang2 yaa...lebih baik kita keep something to ourself. keep my private life away from facebook!
ketiga, i want to be less bitchy and cynical. kayanya yg tau ini temen2 gw yg deket yaa, soalnya gw kalo ngerasa sesuatu jelek, ya gw bilang jelek. ga suka berbasa-basi atau lip service, apalagi sama temen deket. i think honesty is important. kmrn di YM, temen gw bilang : 'lo ganti nama deh jadi keti rose (fenny rose maksudnya), komentar lo setajam silet.' hauahhaa..ga abis2 deh gw ketawa di depan laptop. berhubungan dengan hal kedua, sometimes i regret being too honest or too straightforward.
keempat, well..apa yah. gw pgn merawat diri lebih baik lagi.hahaha..gw tuh kalo udah ada paper, sisiran aja males, muka jerawatan, lupa pake body lotion. baru nih gw ngaca, dan bilang : aargh gw gak cantik bgt sih (well, gimana ya, emg udah ga cantik sih dari sananya hauhaha).
udah ah ngantuuk, bye people..
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
thoughts
I went out for a walk and haircut with Stephanie today. it was rather expensive, but its the only place i can go without appointment and of which iam sure that they will do a good job. we talked about many things (me and steph), mostly casual : our study, family, boyfriend, and the fact that the university hasn't transferred our scholarship yet (thus, we skip H&M and shop for cheap food) and somehow i just miss it, God, i miss talking to someone.
and somewhere in between the conversation, i started to think about my financial condition. I remember 5-6 years ago, when i was abroad for an exchange, I was in a very different position compare to where i am now. Both my mom and dad were still working, i never had financial difficulty (well, they didn't spoil me, but i got enough). I was able to travel all across country, and really had fun in my life. Later, my dad went into an early pension when i was on my 1st year of college (not to mention that school cost a fortune already), and even though everything was fine with us, I began to think that : well, its time for me to take care of my parents, so i should stop being a spoiled brat and actually do something useful. I began to cut my spending, and try to shop only when necessary.
When I graduated from college in 2007, i promise myself that i will never never never ask for money again. I told my mum that she can stop sending me my monthly allowance. I changed jobs a few times, but i managed to support myself, and i have to say, that felt really good. I was 21, and living on my own. never felt better. My monthly salary was more than enough for a single person, and i was able to do a fun shopping spree or a new shoes every month. Dimas actually reminded me a few times that i need to save up, but i said to myself : i am still young, i work hard and i need to have fun. so i will do whatever i want to do with my money. (i am not a heavy spender, but i like to indulge myself once in awhile :p)
Even when i was off-work because i was ill, i still earned good money cause i was doing a lot of classes, did a few translating & doing private class as well. Plus, i was teaching in Bandung so i did not need to pay rent like I when i was working in Jakarta. And i just impulsively spent all my saving buying a laptop, and a return ticket to Japan, and for LASIK of course (mom helped me out a bit in doing LASIK).
Now, i am 23, currently not working and living off scholarship. I have to manage my monthly budget very carefully, and thoughts like these get into my head :
- What if i fail one of my class? that means i have to re-do it next year and i have to pay for it myself (which is not possible because it is so damn expensive) and just for heads up, this course ain't easy.
- What will i do after i finish grad school?
- and here's the scariest part : going back home with no money and start from scratch.
I had a bachelor degree in finance, and i have financial insecurity. how ironic.
but let's just say : Bismillah, I know i can do this :-)
and somewhere in between the conversation, i started to think about my financial condition. I remember 5-6 years ago, when i was abroad for an exchange, I was in a very different position compare to where i am now. Both my mom and dad were still working, i never had financial difficulty (well, they didn't spoil me, but i got enough). I was able to travel all across country, and really had fun in my life. Later, my dad went into an early pension when i was on my 1st year of college (not to mention that school cost a fortune already), and even though everything was fine with us, I began to think that : well, its time for me to take care of my parents, so i should stop being a spoiled brat and actually do something useful. I began to cut my spending, and try to shop only when necessary.
When I graduated from college in 2007, i promise myself that i will never never never ask for money again. I told my mum that she can stop sending me my monthly allowance. I changed jobs a few times, but i managed to support myself, and i have to say, that felt really good. I was 21, and living on my own. never felt better. My monthly salary was more than enough for a single person, and i was able to do a fun shopping spree or a new shoes every month. Dimas actually reminded me a few times that i need to save up, but i said to myself : i am still young, i work hard and i need to have fun. so i will do whatever i want to do with my money. (i am not a heavy spender, but i like to indulge myself once in awhile :p)
Even when i was off-work because i was ill, i still earned good money cause i was doing a lot of classes, did a few translating & doing private class as well. Plus, i was teaching in Bandung so i did not need to pay rent like I when i was working in Jakarta. And i just impulsively spent all my saving buying a laptop, and a return ticket to Japan, and for LASIK of course (mom helped me out a bit in doing LASIK).
Now, i am 23, currently not working and living off scholarship. I have to manage my monthly budget very carefully, and thoughts like these get into my head :
- What if i fail one of my class? that means i have to re-do it next year and i have to pay for it myself (which is not possible because it is so damn expensive) and just for heads up, this course ain't easy.
- What will i do after i finish grad school?
- and here's the scariest part : going back home with no money and start from scratch.
I had a bachelor degree in finance, and i have financial insecurity. how ironic.
but let's just say : Bismillah, I know i can do this :-)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
I AM THANKFUL FOR..
In the spirit of thanksgiving, i would like to thank Allah for the blessing and here it goes :
1. The opportunity to appreciate differences. I learn that for some people, it's a really hard thing to do.
2. The opportunity to 'see the world' and by this i dont mean travelling, but to actually see the world in different perspective.
3. The opportunity to know exactly what my weakness is.
4. And all the hassle, all the downturns, all the low points..because indeed it made me a better person, and a stronger one.
5.Last but not least, to be able to feel the love from across the ocean. i love my family & and my wonderful man.
Alhamdulillah.
btw, my mood is a bit ruined because i got 7 for one of my course (i still think its a bit unfair because i got 8 for individual work), but i remind myself again thaaat..hellllooo, does it really matter?
so, my progress for other course: 88 for exam, 80 for lit review and still working on the paper; 2nd course: 80 and still working on the paper, 3rd : just start the course and really need to progress.
wish me luck for everything!
1. The opportunity to appreciate differences. I learn that for some people, it's a really hard thing to do.
2. The opportunity to 'see the world' and by this i dont mean travelling, but to actually see the world in different perspective.
3. The opportunity to know exactly what my weakness is.
4. And all the hassle, all the downturns, all the low points..because indeed it made me a better person, and a stronger one.
5.Last but not least, to be able to feel the love from across the ocean. i love my family & and my wonderful man.
Alhamdulillah.
btw, my mood is a bit ruined because i got 7 for one of my course (i still think its a bit unfair because i got 8 for individual work), but i remind myself again thaaat..hellllooo, does it really matter?
so, my progress for other course: 88 for exam, 80 for lit review and still working on the paper; 2nd course: 80 and still working on the paper, 3rd : just start the course and really need to progress.
wish me luck for everything!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
alive and not kicking
udah lama ga nulis blog. let's see what should i write yah...
maaf kalo beberapa posting dibelakang intinya gw mengeluh terus.hihi..rasanya pgn teriak. bok, ni tugas kok ga beres2 yaa. Alhamdullilah nilai gw sampe detik ini masi di zona aman, cuma ya itu ada 3 paper due semester ini dan menentukan bgt. argh. yuk skip ke brighter side of life..apa yah? gw baru ntn backstreet boys concert di rotterdam..ahahaha...gapapalah mengenang masa muda :p trus smpt jalan2 sm anak2 yg dpt huygens jg, seru deh :) tapi gw itu bukan picture person sama sekali dan gw males ngupdet foto...jadi ya gini deh blog gw ngebosenin bgt.haha..
gw sama dimas alhamdullilah juga baik-baik, masi bertahan dgn LDR antar benua yg ga tau kapan beresnya. gw smpt baca2 sms2 dia dulu di hp lama, pas baru jadian..miss those moments; kalo gw re-wind ke masa2 dulu pas kuliah (s1) , it was the happiest moment indeed. Gw sama dimas itu jarang bgt berantem, yang ada gw ngambek dia ga sadar. haha..pas pacaran sama dia, gw baru ngerasa...oh gini ya rasanya pacaran yg 'sebenarnya', happy terus dan ga pernah berantem, nangis apalagi. kayanya gw cuma 2 kali nangis selama hampir 4 tahun. pas gw ulangtahun dia ngasi surprise yg telat seminggu (basi sih, tapi niatnya itu.haha) sama pas nganter dia berangkat ke jepang (itu juga gw tahan sampe nangis nya di AW soekarno-hatta).
gw juga kadang2 bingung sih, kok dia tahan ya ma gw (seriously). soalnya gw itu moody dan banyak maunya. Misalnya, pas gw visit dia di jepang, gw pegel dan lemes (baru turun pesawat yg sama sekali ga nyaman), malem2 masuk angin gitu...trus dia bilang, 'yuk naik taksi aja,kasian kamu.' padahal naik taksi di jepang itu kan sama sekali gak murah, gw terpana liat argonya.abis itu trus gw gak nafsu makan makanan jepang yg sama sekali ga mengundang selera, dia akhirnya ngajak makan di restoran indo, bawain sarapan ke hotel tmpt gw nginep.
sampai akhirnya , gw kan lemes2 dan muntah (dasar penyakitan); dimas nungguin sampe gw ketiduran sambil kompres pake air anget, daan...pas gw bangun, dia tidur di lantai ajaaa..ya ampun, katanya dia ga pgn jauh2 takut gw muntah2 lagi. Pas gw buka hpnya dia, ada sms dari kaka gw : 'dim, kristy gimana? aduh maaf ya dim, titip anak manja satu itu.' jadi ternyata dimas ngabarin ke keluarga gw kalo gw sakit, maksudnya baik sih...tapi gw malah diomelin sama nyokap, 'gimana sih kamu, udah sampe sana malah nyusahin dimas, jaga kesehatan, kamu kan ringkih.' ya ya ya...
ya itu cuma satu dari sekian banyak episode dimana gw ngerepotin dia. well, dimas is indeed a blessing in my life. he's not perfect, so am i. but we are fine with the imperfectness, and make fun of it. haha. ya udah, moral of the story is : i should get to bed. besok presentasi...ngerii..
maaf kalo beberapa posting dibelakang intinya gw mengeluh terus.hihi..rasanya pgn teriak. bok, ni tugas kok ga beres2 yaa. Alhamdullilah nilai gw sampe detik ini masi di zona aman, cuma ya itu ada 3 paper due semester ini dan menentukan bgt. argh. yuk skip ke brighter side of life..apa yah? gw baru ntn backstreet boys concert di rotterdam..ahahaha...gapapalah mengenang masa muda :p trus smpt jalan2 sm anak2 yg dpt huygens jg, seru deh :) tapi gw itu bukan picture person sama sekali dan gw males ngupdet foto...jadi ya gini deh blog gw ngebosenin bgt.haha..
gw sama dimas alhamdullilah juga baik-baik, masi bertahan dgn LDR antar benua yg ga tau kapan beresnya. gw smpt baca2 sms2 dia dulu di hp lama, pas baru jadian..miss those moments; kalo gw re-wind ke masa2 dulu pas kuliah (s1) , it was the happiest moment indeed. Gw sama dimas itu jarang bgt berantem, yang ada gw ngambek dia ga sadar. haha..pas pacaran sama dia, gw baru ngerasa...oh gini ya rasanya pacaran yg 'sebenarnya', happy terus dan ga pernah berantem, nangis apalagi. kayanya gw cuma 2 kali nangis selama hampir 4 tahun. pas gw ulangtahun dia ngasi surprise yg telat seminggu (basi sih, tapi niatnya itu.haha) sama pas nganter dia berangkat ke jepang (itu juga gw tahan sampe nangis nya di AW soekarno-hatta).
gw juga kadang2 bingung sih, kok dia tahan ya ma gw (seriously). soalnya gw itu moody dan banyak maunya. Misalnya, pas gw visit dia di jepang, gw pegel dan lemes (baru turun pesawat yg sama sekali ga nyaman), malem2 masuk angin gitu...trus dia bilang, 'yuk naik taksi aja,kasian kamu.' padahal naik taksi di jepang itu kan sama sekali gak murah, gw terpana liat argonya.abis itu trus gw gak nafsu makan makanan jepang yg sama sekali ga mengundang selera, dia akhirnya ngajak makan di restoran indo, bawain sarapan ke hotel tmpt gw nginep.
sampai akhirnya , gw kan lemes2 dan muntah (dasar penyakitan); dimas nungguin sampe gw ketiduran sambil kompres pake air anget, daan...pas gw bangun, dia tidur di lantai ajaaa..ya ampun, katanya dia ga pgn jauh2 takut gw muntah2 lagi. Pas gw buka hpnya dia, ada sms dari kaka gw : 'dim, kristy gimana? aduh maaf ya dim, titip anak manja satu itu.' jadi ternyata dimas ngabarin ke keluarga gw kalo gw sakit, maksudnya baik sih...tapi gw malah diomelin sama nyokap, 'gimana sih kamu, udah sampe sana malah nyusahin dimas, jaga kesehatan, kamu kan ringkih.' ya ya ya...
ya itu cuma satu dari sekian banyak episode dimana gw ngerepotin dia. well, dimas is indeed a blessing in my life. he's not perfect, so am i. but we are fine with the imperfectness, and make fun of it. haha. ya udah, moral of the story is : i should get to bed. besok presentasi...ngerii..
Monday, October 26, 2009
Arent I the luckiest?
(translated)
I am thankful because I have given so many opportunities in life, and the greatest of all, is knowing and having you.
I was studying, and suddenly an email popped up. He send me this pic with the above lines. some people think i am crazy for committing myself to a 3 years long distance relationship (it's already 1, 5 years, halfway to go!) but i consider myself lucky, because he's totally worth the wait.
Okay i might sound a bit too romantic. For those who know me and him personally, you would know that we're not "romantic-mushy-cant live without each other" couple; but sometimes, when i least expect it ( like now when im studying for the exam also catching up on paper deadlines) he can also be hopeless romantic.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Okay, I admit..
gw males nulis pake bahasa inggris. yak jadi setelah 2 bulan disini (baru kmrn tgl 17 officially 2 bulan di belanda) kalo orang nanya 'apakabar?' atau "gimana disana?" gw bingung sejujurnya mau jawab apa. hehe..
gw baik-baik aja sih in general, karena gw memang gak gampang homesick, tapi soal studi gw merasa ada perbedaan quality yg sangat krusial. karena gw emang panikan, gw jadi belajar terus (terutama untuk kuliah financial crisis, entah kenapaaa gw milih kuliah ini, is beyond me) tapiii...ya itu, gw merasa gw bisa keep up, tapi bukan quartil atas; or should i say i barely keep up. baru sekarang gw ngerasa ada kuliah yg bener-bener susah. memang sih background gw bukan makro-ekonomi, yg diperluin banget buat mengerti kuliah ini. tapi yah gitu deh. it bothers me a lot.
wanna know why? karena gini ya, gw bercita-cita suatu saat nanti gw pgn jadi dosen, dan yang namanya jadi dosen itu harusnya punya prestasi akademik yg bagus kan, nah kalo begini aja gw ga bisa, gw ga yakin gw qualified buat jadi dosen yg berkualitas nantinya. ya ya ya..i knoooww, gw lebay dan over worried. tapi bener. gw pgn banget jadi dosen yang bagus, biar nanti mahasiswa gw, gak ngerasain apa yg gw rasain sekarang : culture shock in study. yah ga semua mata kuliah susah sih, cuma untuk spesifik 1 mata kuliah itu..gw ngerasa kurang banget knowledgenya.
tapi, gw gak lupa bersyukur kok. bisa sekolah (lagi) dan ga ngerepotin org tua (aka gratisan) bener2 dream came true dan harusnya, instead of mengeluh gw harus lebih bersyukur. dan to be honest, i do enjoy school more than i enjoy work. tapi yang jadi pikiran gw : gw sebenernya qualified ga sih buat jadi dosen? tentunya dosen yang baik ya, bukan yg ga didengerin mahasiswanya.haha..
gw baik-baik aja sih in general, karena gw memang gak gampang homesick, tapi soal studi gw merasa ada perbedaan quality yg sangat krusial. karena gw emang panikan, gw jadi belajar terus (terutama untuk kuliah financial crisis, entah kenapaaa gw milih kuliah ini, is beyond me) tapiii...ya itu, gw merasa gw bisa keep up, tapi bukan quartil atas; or should i say i barely keep up. baru sekarang gw ngerasa ada kuliah yg bener-bener susah. memang sih background gw bukan makro-ekonomi, yg diperluin banget buat mengerti kuliah ini. tapi yah gitu deh. it bothers me a lot.
wanna know why? karena gini ya, gw bercita-cita suatu saat nanti gw pgn jadi dosen, dan yang namanya jadi dosen itu harusnya punya prestasi akademik yg bagus kan, nah kalo begini aja gw ga bisa, gw ga yakin gw qualified buat jadi dosen yg berkualitas nantinya. ya ya ya..i knoooww, gw lebay dan over worried. tapi bener. gw pgn banget jadi dosen yang bagus, biar nanti mahasiswa gw, gak ngerasain apa yg gw rasain sekarang : culture shock in study. yah ga semua mata kuliah susah sih, cuma untuk spesifik 1 mata kuliah itu..gw ngerasa kurang banget knowledgenya.
tapi, gw gak lupa bersyukur kok. bisa sekolah (lagi) dan ga ngerepotin org tua (aka gratisan) bener2 dream came true dan harusnya, instead of mengeluh gw harus lebih bersyukur. dan to be honest, i do enjoy school more than i enjoy work. tapi yang jadi pikiran gw : gw sebenernya qualified ga sih buat jadi dosen? tentunya dosen yang baik ya, bukan yg ga didengerin mahasiswanya.haha..
terus, gw juga mulai mikir tentang future plan. sehabis selesai s2, gw akan selesai di umur 24 (amin!) terus gw punya 4 opsi. 1. cari kerja disini 2.pulang dan cari kerja di indo 3.pulang ke indo, les bahasa jepang & tinggal di jepang.
sama seperti ce2 lain, gw juga punya pikiran untuk nikah, tapi gw pgn nikah itu karena memang kita berdua sudah siap secara finansial &mental, bukan karena "harus" menikah. gw sama co gw sama2 berpikiran untuk sama2 saving dulu, baru kita bicarakan setelah gw lulus s2; tapi karena dia memang berencana (belom pasti sih) untuk stay longer di kerjaan sekarang di jepang, gw juga harus siap2 adjust future plan gw untuk tinggal disana.
padahal future plan gw sebenernya gini : pulang s2, kerja lagi for 3- 5 years while ngurusin bisnis (pgn banget, harus terealisasi!), taking my Phd dan mulai mengajar full time jadi dosen. nah itu jepang mau gw selipin dimana yah? tapi nanti aja gw pikirkan kalau semuanya udah pasti, sekarang fokus ke studi, selesaikan s2.
eh balik lagi ke soal s2, gw mikir yaa...tujuannya org belajar tu apa sih? bukan buat dapet nilai bagus kan? karena "nilai" yg sebenernya itu nanti di real world, di kerjaan dan karir. gw ngerasa IP gw S1 itu gak ada apa-apanya, masih jauh bgt dari "smart" (seriously); gw merasa pembelajaran yg sebenernya itu banyak gw dapetin di real world, so i actually admire people who never had formal education yet still manage to be successful, or smart people who decide not to work for a company but to start a business. way to go, people :-) tapi gw pgn banget ikut bisa contribute sesuatu untuk upgrade level pendidikan di indonesia, dan ya itu, caranya ngajar. hehe..tapi gw ngerasa untuk jadi dosen, pengalaman kerja itu perlu. makanya mau kerja dulu for a couple of years before taking phd dan jadi dosen full time nantinya :-)
ya itu kan rencana gw ya, sekarang cuma bs berdoa aja semoga semuanya bisa terealisasi. mau exam nih, doain ya people, semoga semua usaha gw gak sia2 :)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
time to smarten up
I know that life isn't exactly a 1st class business trip. its just like a business cycle, one minute you're at peak, next thing you know life got you down to the through. me? I'm somewhere in the middle. okay i didn't want to sound un-grateful; i am very excited to be here, this is a once in a life time opportunity that i decide to take.
Somehow, living here alone for almost 2 months, help me to understand myself better. i have this two side of me which contradict each other. On one side, i am actually really ambitious, and i want to be the best in everything i do. The other side is just me being scared to take challenge, i am scared of failure. or lets just say, i cant take failure. I'd rather not compete than loose.how immature. somehow the second part of me is rather dominant these days, I'm really afraid to take challenges. I am afraid i will screw up everything that mattered.
but I learn that failure, setbacks, disappointments actually brings me where i am now. and if i look back, my biggest disappointment in life actually is the one who got me here in the first place. so this afternoon, after im feeling down for a setback in life, i look in the mirror and say : " oh what the hell, i am way stronger than this."
Somehow, living here alone for almost 2 months, help me to understand myself better. i have this two side of me which contradict each other. On one side, i am actually really ambitious, and i want to be the best in everything i do. The other side is just me being scared to take challenge, i am scared of failure. or lets just say, i cant take failure. I'd rather not compete than loose.how immature. somehow the second part of me is rather dominant these days, I'm really afraid to take challenges. I am afraid i will screw up everything that mattered.
but I learn that failure, setbacks, disappointments actually brings me where i am now. and if i look back, my biggest disappointment in life actually is the one who got me here in the first place. so this afternoon, after im feeling down for a setback in life, i look in the mirror and say : " oh what the hell, i am way stronger than this."
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